I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
