I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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