Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
