hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
