I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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