Welp...herpes.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My feet surprised me
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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