i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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