he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
