you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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