Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I think people are normalizing furries
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
