Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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