The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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