Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
