fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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