Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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