Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
