i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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