Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
is that a dick in a sweater?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
