So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
why is half of my head shaved?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
