DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize