my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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