My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
