she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I need a burrito and a hug.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
