New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
