What did we do last night that was yellow?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
