Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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