I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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