Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
