I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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