Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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