you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
