just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
