oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
