Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
