Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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