it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
