there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
