it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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