I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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