Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I am available for nakedness
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
