people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
