If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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