Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
