I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Randomize
