I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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