6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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