She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
