I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize