Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
