You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
