OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
