tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
