upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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