Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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