is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
