I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
