He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
