you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
