That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
