ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
