Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
