I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
